There
are many stories told and retold in Africa about the adventures that happen in
and around outdoor toilets or outhouses – what in Swahili we call a “choo”
(rhymes with “show”).  If only half of these stories told about snakes,
rats, bats, bees, mosquitoes, safari ants, falling bricks, rotted floor planks,
torrential rains, mud slides, kerosene lamps that go out, strange smells,
unusual animal noises, etc. in “choos” were true – plus the endless tales of
diarrhea (the infamous “runs” especially the explosive kind)  – there would be
many volumes.  One of our most popular refrains is “There’s No Business Like
‘Choo’ Business.”

    A
missionary accidentally dropped his glasses down the outdoor toilet at Tatwe
Parish in northwestern Tanzania.  The houseboy Johannes “fished” them out for
the equivalent of about $6.  Later that day a penny-pinching missionary arrived
covered with mud on his motorcycle and said, “I would have gone down there for
only $2.”   Needless to say, he always made the list of “Ten Best Dressed
Missionaries.”  A missionary in Shinyanga Diocese, Tanzania would always
reverently kiss his prayer book before praying the “Liturgical Hours.”  But
after his book fell into the outdoor “choo” in Sayusayu Parish and was
subsequently fished out, curiously he stopped kissing it.

   
A missionary
living in a poor village in Rulenge Diocese, Western Tanzania tried to economize
by using almost everything.  Toilet paper was a luxury item for a long time and
unobtainable in the local stores.  So in his “choo” he used any kind of paper
available.   A friend in the United States sent him a magazine article and
concluded with these words:  “I know what you do with these articles after you
read them, but please, PLEASE, remove the staples first!”